“Bullet Train” finds unlucky assassin Ladybug (Brad Pitt) trying to do his job in a calm and peaceful manner despite inhabiting a world of violence. Unfortunately, his mission to grab a briefcase off Japan’s famous bullet train quickly turns out to be more complicated and violent that he would have hoped.

Pro – Flashy

There is no doubt that “Bullet Train” is a full of style and flash. Set in modern day Japan, the whole film is awash in neon and chrome. The setting is on full display from the bullet train itself to the constant reminders of Pokémon-inspired advertising.

The cast is quite serviceable, with star Pitt happy to pull the film along with his charisma and charm. Aaron Taylor-Johnson’s Tangerine and Brian Tyree Henry’s Lemon are certainly entertaining while on screen together at times, and Sandra Bullock mostly only lends her voice, but her repartee with Pitt is great. The revelation of the film is the Wolf played by Bad Bunny, who can now add acting to his resume along with rapping and professional wrestling. His character isn’t around long, but it’s the one that resonates the most. “Bullet Train” certainly keeps a brisk pace of action as it barrels along with lots of violence that is intense yet stylized.

Con – Confusing

“Bullet Train” just does not have much story knitting the film together. The plot and the players emerge as the story goes along, but there is simply too much to follow, and frankly it’s not worth following. The film seems to go just too wide in its scope, and it leaves the audience bewildered and then bored. It’s also important to let films operate on the rules that exist in the world they create, but here “Bullet Train” slides off the rails a bit. It sets itself in modern Japan, but then the action and story that unfolds on the train is so implausible, so preposterous, that it serves to kick the audience out of the spell of storytelling.

Con – Cut Rate Version

Perhaps the most coherent and sharpest criticism that can be laid at the feet of “Bullet Train” is that it feels like a poor imitation of a Guy Ritchie film. Ritchie’s films are cool and slick, and serve as a window into a sterilized, suit and tie, fictional version of the underworld. Director David Leitch is no slouch, but this film feels like an impersonation, and not a good one at that. As such, the dialogue just doesn’t hit and engage. The action is over-the-top, but not really in a good way. It’s more gross than fun. Things look and feel cool at first, but upon closer inspection the whole film rings hollow. It has all the elements of a film that should feel anything but boring, and yet halfway through the audience will be challenged to not glance at their phones to check the time.

“Bullet Train” has a lot of great elements that should add up to a fun afternoon at the cinema. Instead, they feel like a poor man’s copy of a cool movie. The story is confusing, the dialogue not as witty as it should be while the stylized violence is more, “ugghhh,” rather than, “did you see that!?” Brad Pitt and company can’t save the film, so you should catch the train to the Fridley Palms Theater and maybe give something else a watch.