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Tuesday, September 21, 2021

    Driveway 1 Tony 0

    Tony Tone
    Tony Tone has worked as a radio personality in Muscatine and the Quad Cities since 2006. He currently serves as Muscatine Community School District Communication and Community Outreach Director and writes Talk of the Town with Tony Tone for the Discover Muscatine newspaper.

    Muscatine Living

    Last Friday, I started my rigorous training for the 2022 Winter Games. Maybe you didn’t know that your favorite Hy-Vee employee and part-time columnist was also a professional athlete. I’m thrilled to have the unique opportunity to represent Muscatine on a global stage in a brand-new event.

    The snow was steadily falling as the garage door opened and I made my approach to the practice field (driveway). Shovel in hand, I was determined to make this practice one to remember. You might as well just hand over the gold medal!

    I made it approximately five minutes into my routine before it happened. You’ll never get a better perspective of a snowstorm than when you’re lying on your back in your driveway.

    My main concern, besides grabbing Tylenol, was hoping that my neighbors didn’t see my triple sow cow…I mean slip. Surely, they would already judge me for my shoveling attire, jeans, slip on shoes, fleece coat. I’m the Chevy Chase of shoveling snow, minus the hockey mask. Yes I have winter boots, and no, I did not have them on during the aforementioned fall in my driveway.

    The world’s largest snowblower also needed a tune-up. This thing is so big it could clear our street, but I don’t know how to get it running.

    It was in the moments after picking myself back up, brushing wet snow from my rear end, that it hit me, heated driveways. Why don’t all homes located in the state of Iowa come with heated driveways (and a garage refrigerator stocked full of Busch Light)?! How many years have we known that snow + cement = slippery surface?

    Now, I certainly understand that you could be the smartest person in Muscatine County who is reading this while turning on your heated driveway. I have several questions for those with heated driveways, What is it like being a genius? How jealous are your neighbors of your driveway’s ability to melt snow? Do you ever just turn the driveway on and lay on it? Lastly, can I borrow money to convert my own driveway?

    Winter in Iowa is challenging (and painful) to say the least. Up until the snowstorm last Friday we’ve had it pretty easy thus far. It would seem that more snow and colder weather would be in our future. Someone had the nerve to tell me the other day “We’re only (insert number of) days away from spring!” I gritted my teeth and reminded them of the harsh February we dealt with last year. At least I know I’ll have more opportunities to prep for my winter games debut.

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