Happy holidays! With my last article, I explained what this phrase means and why it is an appropriate and respectful way of greeting people during this season when various religious faiths and cultures celebrate holidays.
However, consider this article part two and why this phrase of greeting is a friendly and excellent greeting during this season but does not always represent how we feel.

“Happy holidays” presumes that the holidays are happy. I have served in ministry for 12 years now, and I can tell you that holidays are an emotional and spiritual mix of joy, grief, anxiety, and sadness.

This season ushers in a commercialization which relies on happiness to succeed and this joy is often manufactured. In our house, it is the season in which we subscribe to the Hallmark Channel so we can lose ourselves in a utopian story which always turns out perfectly. The advertising, music, and movies help us know that someone is having a great time, even if that someone is not us.

This season in which we often gather with family and friends brings about emotions which we cannot always explain or understand. We find ourselves faking our way through family meals, Christmas parties, and everyday interactions, trying to find that elusive joy or happiness. Sometimes the true emotions we experience are grief, anxiety, or loneliness. It may be the first or 21st year since your parent, spouse, grandparent, child, or best friend died, but you still deeply miss their presence at gatherings. We may spend more time worrying about planning family gatherings, parties, purchasing gifts, and preparing treats and meals than celebrating the joy of the season. This season may dredge up memories of childhood, marriages which ended through divorce, addictive behavior from which you have turned away yet battle every day, or life events that caused pain.

If I have described anything that you feel during this season, I am sorry you are feeling this way. At the same time, be gentle with yourself and allow yourself space to process these feelings, experience that continued grief, or respectfully decline invitations to gatherings you do not want to attend.

Now, before you label me a thief of joy, also know that it is entirely possible to feel all of these things and feel the joy of the season. We humans are complex life forms who are able to hold more than one thought of feeling in tension or opposition to one another. Do not be afraid to name both the joy and the struggles that this season can cause to rise up within us. Be gentle with yourself. Be gentle with those around you. Know that we cannot know everything that another person is feeling when the world around us says that everything should be happy.

I hope that you have had a blessed holiday season that brings you at least a measure of joy!

Peace,

Pastor Willie Rosin